Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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