Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
