I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
