I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
