We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
