If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
