i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
