Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
