woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
no you cant smoke seaweed
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip