oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?