I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
