turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I didn't notice because vodka
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
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