Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
