I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
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