Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
