I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
