Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Randomize
