Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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