Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
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