Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
