Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
