ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
