took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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