Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
