Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
