you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
