The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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