My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
