she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
