How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
