you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
