I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
