i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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