Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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