I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
