She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I cut my penus on the lid.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
