i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
