She said her name was "party"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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