im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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