dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
