Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
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