I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
