just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Randomize
