We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Randomize
