just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Just fell off a train. Bad.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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