Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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