he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
