At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I'm always down for nudity.
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