the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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