you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
