this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
