Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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