She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Randomize
