So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
