i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
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i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
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Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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