i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
