were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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