Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
