im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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