If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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