Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
