I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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