im drinking this country out of the recession.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Randomize
