I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.