Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is