apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
All I want is dick and wine.