How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Sex with a fat chick.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
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Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
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Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.