I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
