It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
my shit smells like andre
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize