Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Randomize
