I can text with my tongue
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
