Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
