A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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